Catch Me I'm Falling, Faster Than Anyone Should

I am, and always have been, a runner. Not a physical runner, because I don't really know how to run. *shocking* I know I come off as completely athletic. hahaha!

I run with my heart, and I cover it up skillfully with tasks. Work, hanging out with people, watching movies, or tv... really whatever I can do to get away from what is really facing me.

So far I have felt my Father chase me, either He will use a friend, sometimes the most unexpected ones, or He just runs me down with His love.

It's wonderful.

Yet, I still run. Quite often. Far too often. I wish my love was far less flawed. That I could believe my Father loves me so completely, that I don't have to deserve Him for Him to still want me. I wish that I didn't feel the need to hide everytime i make a mistake, or feel like I have completely wronged my friends. I know that I often simply hide behind a smile. Quickly learning who can read that, and running from them in an effort to hide just a little bit longer.

How lost am I? How lost are we?

I hide like Adam, and Eve. Ashamed to be seen by the eyes of my Savior. Ashamed to be loved in my utter brokenness. Yet the beauty that stems from this is, He still pursues me. In the wilderness of my heart He still chases after me. He seeks me, and when I seek Him in return. I find Him, and can follow Him with all of my heart.

What a perfect love story.

Me and my Lord.

Melissa

Change is good?

I know you are all sitting on pins and needles, wondering, waiting, pondering, wither or not my french toast turned out wonderfully.

Fear not fair readers, It was delightful.

I am very pleased with my latest cooking adventure.

I feel like I should blog to keep my mind off of Hannah. I miss her horribly. It is more unbearable than I expected it to be actually. I have kind of been keeping a distance from her this summer, In part it was in preparation for this event. Mostly because I have been working so much, and she has been so busy with "Children of Eden". (Which was wonderful btw)

Therefore when she left, I thought the weeks would flow by pretty well. I am still working as much, if not more. Although so far it's been two days, and I have had like 10 thousand mental breakdowns.

I know what some of you are thinking.

"Why don't you just lean on God more?"

It's not really about that.

It's about loving a friend, and a sister. I feel homesick for her. I honestly do not see a problem with that. It's only natural after a few days to feel the edges of change effect your life.

So this third entry is pretty lame, and yet I feel as though i have to write something.

I have a dorky movie to watch today (Twilight Saga: Eclipse), with some great company. (Mr. Hartline)

So, all is well in melissa land.

I just miss my soul sister.

wow I'm a dork....

Melissa S.

Baked Apple French Toast

I made Baked Apple French Toast...

I am not sure how it's turned out, although I will find out tomorrow morning.

I feel proud....

Out with the old?

Maybe you've experienced this- you go to clean out your closet, and it's so full that you can hardly breath. Yet the idea of letting go of a few items seems almost impossible.

Partly because they are difficult to throw away, because there is so much stuff. I am not talking about hoarding folks. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have a huge fear of having a hoarding disorder.

It's like this obsession we all have with holding onto our stresses. Because if we don't stress about something, then we don't care about it. If we don't care about it, then who will?

How messed up is that?

Yet, I know of a God who loves me, and wants me to clear out my life of sin and stress, and the best thing of all is that He wants to help me. Which means in order to really clean out my closet all I have to do is give this up to Him.

That used to be an easy concept for me to grasp. I think I even spoke to a friend about how it was difficult for me to see God's wrath, not God's mercy and love.

Yet, lately I have begun carrying my own baggage, and trying to close the door on the closet of life on my own. Letting all the crap stack up until it seems impossible to clean.

So, I just ignore the closet, until it really gets to me, and I have another mental break down.

I don't think we can understand God's love, because our own love is so flawed.

We can't really fathom what unconditional love is, because we don't have the ability to love someone completely unconditionally.

Maybe we can almost love someone unconditionally, but come on guys? You knows your love is flawed. At least I feel the flaws of my love for others. (another guilt moment)

I think I am okay with not understanding Him, but I think I need to chase Him and lean on Him more.

I want to be buried in Him, in His love. Because at the end of the day, I know He's not only the one who will clean my closet, He's the only one who can save me, save me from exactly who I am. Even after saving me from who I am, He loves who I am. It's allot to handle.

~Melissa