Throwing Away My Idols

Tonight is the eve of memorial day, as well as my Starbucks interview which lead to a few thoughts. (stolen from a very good sermon at Redeemer) In the past I have let my career define me, not in a major way, but in a small enough way to let it affect me...

This little stint of not having a job has been really difficult just because it feels like a part of my identity is gone. I'm not Melissa the Student, Barista, Shift Manager, Pre-school Teacher, or Intern. It's felt like I am lazy, or like I failed at something. Yet at Redeemer the pastor was talking about how that attitude does not show fear of the lord, and makes that job an idol. You let it own you instead of letting Christ own you.

How powerful is that? This little mind set, which is damaging me in this weird mental way, and causing me to take on workaholic tendencies is a form of idolitry. All of this stuff can't fill me, or make me more worthy in the eyes of my Lord. Just being His child is my main identity.

So... I am Melissa Kay Starks... a daughter of the most high God... that's ten times better than any of my careers...

Thank you Jesus...

Love and The Lord

Loving Andrew Michael Seba has taught me more about God’s love than I could have ever imagined. Not my own flawed love for Andrew, but more like Andrew’s love for me, Andrew loves me even though I make mistake after mistake. He wants me even though I constantly, and consistently disbelieve in his own love for me.

God’s love is even more perfect than Andrew’s, and my own personal faults are even greater when it comes to accepting God’s love. Everyday I disbelieve in His want of me, because He has absolutely no need of me, yet He still wants me. Mystifying.

As I grow more, and more in love with Andrew I look foreword to what God will teach me about myself, and His love for me, allowing our relationship to make each of us more Christ like.

New Page

Exactly two months ago I left Starbucks to begin a new job as a preschool teacher, then under some unfortunate circumstances I felt lead to leave that job and pursue an internship at the culture house. It's been about two weeks of unemployment, and I am hoping to go back to Starbucks as I start my internship.

Yet, I have throughly enjoyed my unemployment. It's been a unique challenge that I did not easily embrace. I was able to completely clean out my room, and make some significent changes... it still feels a bit crammed, and in need of re-ordering but it's getting there. I need to clean my closet too.

I've also learned that I love painting... I may not be talented... but I love it. I would love to learn to sew, and just work on developing some more of my artistic skills. I'm sort of excited to see where these new loves take me.

It feels strange to not let the roles of my career define me, Student, Barista, etc... none of those things are my master. Only God owns my heart, my crazy untamed heart, and yet He loves me unconditionally. In all of my depravity He sees beauty, and He sees something He is willing to shape and call His own.

So in this summer of change, and almost graduation I will write more... Paint more... Eventually learn to sew a few pretty things... and work on becoming a cleaner person...

Here we go... Time to conquer a new page with a LOT of help from The Lord...

Melissa